Anyone running a marathon can be treated to some unsavory sights. Sure, you might see a line of guys standing oddly close to trees as if inspecting the bark for insect infestation, but you’re not going to really see “anything” unless you stop and run over to the tree for a closer look. If a female runner has the same urge to pee, you might be treated to an eyeful unless she knows how to pee standing up.
Case in point… At the beginning of the 1998 Boston Marathon I saw my first bare-butted woman on the side of the road somewhere along the first mile. She stopped, pulled down her pants and peed as if she was out in the middle of the forest with no one around. The same thing happened during the final miles of the 2001 Big Sur Marathon.
I’m not innocent of this practice by any means, especially during my marathoning days; however, modesty always prevailed and I found a tree or wooded area to hide behind. On occasion, I even stepped off the highway into the woods just before a marathon started to empty my bladder one last time. One time in particular was especially eventful.
I walked down a very steep hill, squatted next to a couple of other women, took care of business, stood, and turned to climb back up the hill toward the throngs of runners waiting for the starting gun.
As I started to climb, I looked up only to find myself “eye-to-eye” with two penises. Yes, you read that correctly – not one, but two penisis. Two guys were just getting ready to pee as I stepped right in front of them. Since I was standing downhill of them, I was truly at eye level to their one-eyed trouser worms. I did the only thing I could think of… I yelled, “Hold the fire,” and scurried back up the hill laughing hysterically!
Had I known how to pee standing up, I wouldn’t have had to venture so far into the woods and would have avoided that embarrassing incident. To circumvent exposing our bare behinds to the world, and to save time from having to escape beyond the first tree line of a race, my friend Terri and I perfected the art of peeing standing up. We’ve even shared this particular skill set with our female Cruiser friends; and today, I’m sharing it with you! Here goes…
Step 1. Wear shorts – Let’s face it, our anatomy is quite different than our male running partners, and as you’ll see in step 3, it’s pretty much impossible for us to pee standing up unless we’re wearing shorts.
Step 2. Build a good flow – If you just have to dribble a little bit, don’t even attempt this feat. Wait until you will have a steady flow, or you’ll end up peeing all over your hand and shorts, and add a new unpleasant odor to your already sweaty nasty self.
Step 3. Stand in a wide squat position – Standing with your legs wide apart, toes pointed outward, and knees bent will give you the widest target on the ground to aim for without hitting yourself.
Step 4. Pull shorts to one side – While standing in the wide squat position, use two fingers on one hand to pull your shorts and shorts lining to that side. To decrease your odds of peeing on your shoe, side lunge slightly toward the side of the hand you’re using.
And of course, should you decide to wipe when you’ve completed the task, make sure to use a non-poisonous leaf!
- What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve seen while on a run?
- Has nature ever called during a race when you were nowhere near a porta potty?
- Are you racing this weekend?
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Today I’m joining the DC Trifecta’s Friday Five Linkup with Courtney at Eat Pray Run DC, Cynthia at You Signed Up for What?!, and Mar at Mar on the Run! Please stop by these DC area bloggers’ blogs to say hello; and while you’re there, be sure to check out other bloggers who are also participating in the linkup.