This walked into a bar jokes post contains affiliate links…

walked into a bar jokes

 

I have debated many times on whether or not to share my favorite walked into a bar jokes here on Deb Runs.  I decided to go for it – go big or go home, right?  The reason I’ve debated is because not a single one of these jokes is mine.  Zero. Zilch. Nada.

They’ve all been told to me, emailed to me, shared on my Facebook timeline, etc. by friends who know I love a good corny joke.  Several years ago I decided to organize all of those walked into a bar jokes in one place and whenever I’d hear a new one, I’d add it to the list; and before I knew it, I had quite the collection.

And if you love walked into a bar joke as much as I do, you can get your very own sweatshirt, women’s t-shirt, or men’s t-shirt (affiliate links) by clicking on any of those three blue links!

So without further ado here is my collection of Walked into a Bar jokes written by everyone, but me…

walked into a bar jokes

Front of t-shirt my friend gave me

 

Animal Walked Into A Bar Jokes

A horse walked into a bar and the bartender asked, “Why the long face?”

A bear walked into a bar. He walked up to the bartender and said, “I’ll have a beer …………………… and some peanuts.” The bartender answered, “Sure, but why the big pause?”

A pig walks into a bar and orders ten drinks. After he drinks them all, the bartender says, “Don’t you need to know where the bathroom is?” The pig says, “No, I go wee wee wee all the way home.”

A snake slithers into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you.” The snake asks, “Why not?” The bartender answers, “Because you can’t hold your liquor.”

A giraffe walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Do you want a long neck?” The giraffe asked, “Do I have a choice?”

A penguin walked into a bar and asked the bartender if he’d seen his brother.  The bartender replied, “I’m not sure, what does he look like?”

A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer. A man at the bar said, “I don’t want to drink at the same bar as a dog.” The dog and the man got into a fight and the man shot the dog in the foot. With that, the dog yelped out of the bar and down the street. A week later the same dog walked into the same bar, this time he was wearing a black hat, a black vest, black chaps, black boots, and a black gun belt with a pair of black colt 45’s, and a black bandage around his sore foot. He goes up to the bar and says to the bartender, “I’m looking for the man who shot my Paw.”

A pony walks into a bar and coughs, “Hey, COUGH. Gimme a bu COUGH a beer COUGH.” The bartender serves him and says, “What’s with your voice?” The pony says, “Nothing, I’m just a little hoarse.”

A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The goldfish says, “Water.”

A baby seal walks into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. “Anything but a Canadian Club,” replies the baby seal.

A dachshund walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, pour me a long one.”

A duck walks into a bar, orders a drink, and says to the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

A baby calf walks into a bar.  The bartender refuses to serve him because he was underage.  Insulted, the calf says, “FINE, I’ll drink in some udder place.”

A crow wearing a pearl necklace walks into a bar and orders a drink. “I’ve never seen a crow wearing pearls before,” says the bartender.  “What do you expect with basic black?” asks the crow.

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.”  The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”

A bear walks into a bar and sits down.  He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.  The bartender approaches and says “We don’t serve beer to bears.”  The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.  The bartender again tells him “We don’t serve beer to bears.”  The bear, very angry now, says “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.”  The bartender, once again says “Sorry, but we don’t serve beer to bears.”  The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to bears who are on drugs.”  The bear says “I’m not on drugs.”  The bartender says, “Yes you are, that was a barbitchyouate.”

A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. “What do you call that?” asks the bartender. The guy replies, “I call him Tiny, because he’s my newt!”

A termite walked into a bar and asked, “Is the bar tender here?”

A cat walks into a bar and orders a glass of water.  The bartender asks, “Are you going to drink it, or just knock it over on purpose?”

 Food Walked Into A Bar Jokes

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve your kind in here.” The mushrooms replies, “Why not? I’m a fungi!”

Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was assaulted.

A hamburger walked into a bar and the bartender said, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar.  The bartender says,  “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”

A cookie walks into a bar, realizes that it’s closing time, and falls apart. The bartender says, “I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles.”

A banana walks into a bar.  The bartender says, “Sorry, pal, but you’ve got to split.”

A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wanna hear a good joke?” The corn stalk says, “I’m all ears!”

 

Math Walked Into A Bar Jokes

A calculus teacher walks into a bar, and orders a Coke.  The bartender says, “Can’t I get you something stronger?”  The calculus teacher says, “Sorry, but I can’t drink and derive.”

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer, the second orders half of a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, the fourth orders an eighth of a beer, and so on… The bartender rolls his eyes, pours two beers, and says, “Here, you guys work it out.”

A definite integral walks into a bar and orders five shots of tequila. The bartender says, “Dude, are you sure you can handle that?” The integral says, “Yeah, I know my limits.”

 

Miscellaneous Walked Into A Bar Jokes

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve your type here!”

A C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.”

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.  It was tense!

People Walked Into A Bar Jokes

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartenders says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

PastorPriestRabbiWalkIntoABar
 

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”

Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. “I can’t serve you,” replies the bartender. “You’re Bard!”

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, “You look nice today.” A few minutes later he again hears a small voice say, “That’s a nice shirt.” The guy asks the bartender, “Who is that?” The bartender says, “Those are the peanuts. They’re complimentary!”

The last man on earth walks into a bar, and says “Drink, I’d like another bartender.”

Louis Armstrong walks into a bar in Tibet where the high priest is the bartender. Louis says, “Hello, Dalai!”

A North Korean walks into a bar and the bartender says, “How’s it going?”  The North Korean says, “Can’t complain.”

A skeleton walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says, “I’ll have a beer and a mop.”

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

A professor walks into a bar and orders a double martinous. The bartender says, “you mean a double martini?” The professor says, “If I want more than one I’ll ask for it.”

A brain walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. The bartender says, “I’m not serving you, you’re out of your skull!”

Two vampires walked into a bar. “I’ll have a glass of blood,” said one. “I’ll have a glass of plasma,” said the other. “Okay,” replied the bartender, “That’ll be… one blood and one blood lite…”

An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”

A leprechaun walks into a bar. The bartender gives him a beer and says, “That’ll be $2.50.” The leprechaun puts two dollar bills on the bar and starts walking away. The barkeep shouts, “You’re a little short!”

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says to the bartender, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

A ghost walks into a bar.  The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.”

A skeleton walks into a bar.  The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you.  You can’t hold your liquor.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “I’ll have five beers, please.”

Helen Keller walks into a bar, and then a table, and then a chair…….

An Irishman walks out of a bar…  Yes, it really could happen!

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.  The bartender asks, “Why do you have a paper towel on your head?”  The pirate says, “ARRRRRGH, I’ve got a bounty on me head!”

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African walk into a really upscale bar. After scrutinizing the group, the bartender says “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

 

Science Based Walked Into A Bar Jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer.  The bartender sets the beer down and says, “For you, no charge!”

The bartender says, “I don’t serve anyone faster than light.”  A neutrino walks into a bar.

Two bacteria walk into a bar.  The bartender says, “We don’t serve bacteria here.”  The bacteria say, “But we work here, we’re staph.”

Some helium floats into a bar.  The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve noble gases here.” Despite the bartender’s rudeness, the helium doesn’t react.

Gold walks into a bar. The bartender yells, “AU, get out!”

Two scientists walk into a bar.  The first one says, “I’ll have some H2O.”  The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.”  Then he dies.

A Higgs Boson walks into a bar.  The bartender says, “What’s the matter?”

An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases here.” The infectious disease says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender shouts, “We don’t serve superconductors here.  Get out!”  The superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.

While on their first date, Oxygen and Magnesium walked into a bar holding hands. The bartender, who happened to be a mutual friend, was so happy to see them together that she shouted, “OMg!”

I realize that this isn’t a WIAB joke, but I couldn’t resist…

Sports and Fitness Walked Into A Bar Jokes

A personal trainer walks into a bar and orders one drink after another. After about the fifth drink, the bartender gets concerned and asks the guy, “Problems at work, pal?” The guy says, “Yeah, I’m a personal trainer at Gold’s Gym and they let me go today.  They said, ‘I just wasn’t working out.'”

A runner, a CrossFitter, a vegan, and an atheist walk into a bar.  I only know because they told everyone within two minutes of arriving.

An unruly soccer ball rolls into a bar. The bartender kicked him out.

A golf club walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer. The bartender refused to serve him. “Why not,” asked the golf club. “Because you’ll be driving later,” replied the bartender.

A wayward baseball rolls into a bar, and the bartender throws him out.

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Do you want to play a game? See those two rib-eyes nailed to the ceiling? You get to throw one dart. If you hit one, you get to take them home and I’ll give you a free drink.” The man says, “No thanks, the steaks are too high.”

Assorted Objects Walked Into A Bar Jokes

A pair of jumper cables walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t you two start anything.”

A tissue walks into a bar and the bartender asks if he would like a drink.  The tissues says, “No, you idiot, it’ll go right through me!”  The bartender says, “Well, you don’t have to get all snotty about it.”

Two five-dollar bills walk into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, but you’re going to have to leave because this is a singles bar.”

A book walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Please, no stories!”

A piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender says, “We don’t serve strings here.” The string goes outside, throws himself on the ground, rolls around until he frays one end of himself and then ties himself in a knot. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, “Weren’t you just in here?” The string replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

A pair of dice walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, “What are you having, fellas?”  One die answers, “Doubles.”

A dead battery barely crawls into a bar, and with a weak voice orders a drink. “Are you positive you want one?” the bartender asks. The dead battery replies, “Yes, and charge it, too.”

Four lighters walk into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, but I can’t serve you.” One of the lighters asks why not and the bartender replies, “You haven’t even had a drink and you’re already lit.”

Two antennae met in a bar, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

 

  • Questions:
  • Which is your favorite of the walked into a bar jokes I’ve listed above?
  • Do you know any different walked into a bar jokes I should add?  If so, please share!
  • What’s your all-time favorite joke?

 

Disclaimer:  This post contains affiliate links which means if you click on the blue product link and then make a purchase, I will receive a commission for referring you. You will pay no more or less for the product; however, Amazon will show their gratitude for my referral by paying me.

 

Happy Running! ~ Deb